Brave

Brave
Rose McGowan

My life, as you will read, has taken me from one cult to another. BRAVE is the story of how I fought my way out of these cults and reclaimed my life. I want to help you do the same. -Rose McGowanA revealing memoir and empowering manifesto – A voice for generationsRose McGowan was born in one cult and came of age in another, more visible cult: Hollywood.In a strange world where she was continually on display, stardom soon became a personal nightmare of constant exposure and sexualization. Rose escaped into the world of her mind, something she had done as a child, and into high-profile relationships. Every detail of her personal life became public, and the realities of an inherently sexist industry emerged with every script, role, public appearance, and magazine cover. The Hollywood machine packaged her as a sexualized bombshell, hijacking her image and identity and marketing them for profit.Hollywood expected Rose to be silent and cooperative and to stay the path. Instead, she rebelled and asserted her true identity and voice. She reemerged unscripted, courageous, victorious, angry, smart, fierce, unapologetic, controversial, and real as f*ck.BRAVE is her raw, honest, and poignant memoir/manifesto—a no-holds-barred, pull-no-punches account of the rise of a millennial icon, fearless activist, and unstoppable force for change who is determined to expose the truth about the entertainment industry, dismantle the concept of fame, shine a light on a multibillion-dollar business built on systemic misogyny, and empower people everywhere to wake up and be BRAVE.

(#ulink_27f6ee29-6c98-5740-95dc-8be0f7db4eaa)

(#ulink_b99bedf4-183b-5df4-a9f9-495f822e2ed6)

COPYRIGHT (#ulink_16fe5eb6-5842-5ce6-904e-bfb9bcda8550)

An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd

1 London Bridge Street

London SE1 9GF

www.harpercollins.co.uk (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk)

First published in Great Britain by HQ, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd 2018

Copyright © Rose McGowan 2018

Rose McGowan asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

Some names have been changed in this book to protect people’s privacy.

Cover design © HarperCollins

Cover image © Josef Jasso

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins.

Ebook Edition © January 2018 ISBN: 9780008291105

DEDICATION (#ulink_509ba6af-4cdd-5597-823b-7a756115d04e)

Dedicated to all of us survivors

CONTENTS

1  COVER (#ulink_2b6a1a68-76bc-563a-bc9e-077faaaf0fe1)

2  TITLE PAGE (#ulink_4c3ca08c-5d81-57b4-92da-79372ab3320c)

3  COPYRIGHT (#ulink_9efa8bc1-5359-57e0-9d9b-ab3c4ae7e2f1)

4  DEDICATION (#ulink_25070abe-f103-525c-9dbd-f3bf8eb4fc4a)

5  CONTENTS (#uaed7f7c9-7696-5579-9ddf-f5d67785ae4f)

6  AUTHOR’S NOTE (#ulink_c2bd406d-8f52-59b1-9810-25a73698366c)

7  PREFACE (#ulink_0d4f221a-549e-5c2c-bd21-352dde9f31c6)

8  INTRODUCTION (#ulink_b289ae36-090d-5c5a-a8c7-b7666c9a6481)

9  PART ONE CHILD OF GOD (#ulink_20606380-280f-504b-bfc1-8fe6ea77726d)AMERICAN GIRL (#ulink_26e6e4bb-2e5b-506c-8104-ff9b41ced6d5)RUNAWAY THINKER (#ulink_4988d56f-e8c1-51d8-b1e7-45e8de1efb95)BRUTALITY (#ulink_2202fac1-f0cc-543d-9dad-2f71b0bacc57)CAPTIVITY (#ulink_38f62367-f8ae-570e-bfab-00efa7fc631c)IT BEGINS (#ulink_c5906f50-2a52-579e-82d3-95896adb976b)DEATH OF SELF (#ulink_a736b20c-d178-5eeb-986e-4dacf73cad3b)CIRCUS LIFE (#ulink_42913c9e-3df7-5db6-99b7-052c7d09509b)TELEVISED LIFE (#ulink_b26c8359-2e6f-5070-83fd-02b53f51fff2)DESTRUCTION (#ulink_f92a2521-0961-576b-bd1d-bf9b27df745c)

10  PART TWO ASHES TO ASHES (#ulink_451cc956-8dd3-55b6-85d2-adc9ff438c6d)PHOENIX RISE (#ulink_5f76fe83-ad0b-5f35-a253-3a5c199ce0a0)CULT OF THOUGHT (#ulink_11dc1a3b-f53b-5c6d-9831-e35bf72df012)WE ARE BRAVE (#ulink_a5fa15ef-d4cd-52a6-95f3-fef499afcacd)

11  P. S. (#ulink_7c901732-b82d-530c-883a-953b48e1a676)

12  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS (#ulink_7194ffcf-f2c9-5a83-9e1e-393db3cfb695)

13  ABOUT THE AUTHOR (#ulink_77429c33-5dfe-5610-b65e-391d7c12102c)

14  CREDITS (#ulink_28c958fb-dd1e-59c5-b916-473fa4763e30)

15  ABOUT THE PUBLISHER (#ulink_219ab924-f335-54dd-9c79-5fcfed2656cf)

GuideCover (#u66cbb5cc-bc02-5dea-afc9-dddd988e31de)Contents (#uaed7f7c9-7696-5579-9ddf-f5d67785ae4f)Chapter 1 (#u873186d3-15cf-51c8-9458-8b8b1a480342)

iii (#ulink_4c3ca08c-5d81-57b4-92da-79372ab3320c)iv (#ulink_9efa8bc1-5359-57e0-9d9b-ab3c4ae7e2f1)ix (#ulink_c2bd406d-8f52-59b1-9810-25a73698366c)vii (#ulink_25070abe-f103-525c-9dbd-f3bf8eb4fc4a)x (#ulink_8c72a1eb-154d-5df1-96ff-f4a7334ff1ae)xi (#ulink_0d4f221a-549e-5c2c-bd21-352dde9f31c6)xii (#ulink_cfea118b-d3fc-5ae7-947c-384b37f16cce)xiii (#ulink_d6339033-6374-56ae-b69a-92ed26e1a81b)xiv (#ulink_9a38abd4-7acb-57cd-b83c-c6ff006e79d7)xv (#ulink_9a38abd4-7acb-57cd-b83c-c6ff006e79d7)xvi (#ulink_9a38abd4-7acb-57cd-b83c-c6ff006e79d7)1 (#ulink_b289ae36-090d-5c5a-a8c7-b7666c9a6481)2 (#ulink_4248fe78-0a60-5b69-b7ef-41acefb72368)3 (#ulink_d67fcc0e-89f2-51e8-a8cf-27518e913bdc)4 (#ulink_227b2291-fc10-5e52-953a-659ace645c2d)5 (#ulink_294238c7-cf9d-5d18-b833-4bf5a441b7c1)7 (#ulink_87f8d0b8-1d18-5104-9901-7cf88af36e5a)8 (#ulink_b65090f4-2698-5247-944d-711fee549e69)9 (#ulink_9670dcc7-70ff-5f28-b371-b4c01d7eceec)10 (#ulink_16ef5297-1885-5cef-914a-184d91ca3638)11 (#ulink_375ce91a-55ff-5d37-b5dc-84107b77ac53)12 (#ulink_e688e885-477d-557b-a36a-fe34eecc58bb)13 (#ulink_8cd49ded-cfd8-5778-8580-a51639ac84a3)14 (#ulink_f78f4607-6fbf-553d-bde4-8cea145c5b0e)1516 (#ulink_0ac6b0a4-39dd-5913-89e4-724cc414b7c6)17 (#ulink_32112cd3-736a-554b-aa23-46c7da95c264)18 (#ulink_e252e679-e88f-50f3-acf9-5374a50fe4d9)19 (#ulink_ae0473ef-d30b-5a9a-9a92-b4904d0350b1)20 (#ulink_656e7709-7be9-566f-a5d3-c5e39ae2792e)212223242526272829303133 (#ulink_9ceebfca-e998-5b80-ba06-bf8347364d14)3435363738394041424345 (#ulink_a3ec627f-f4fb-55b4-9431-bb0f50997965)46474849505152535455565759 (#ulink_b7a12718-02f3-57d2-aeb2-8918d00a4433)6061626364656667686970717273747576777879 (#ulink_ed34194d-b6fb-5a82-9530-3119686f4ed4)8081828384858687888990919293949596979899 (#ulink_eab6af65-e7e3-55e6-9431-9265c3e1b2e7)100101102103104105106107108109110111112113 (#ulink_8ad7b89a-24bf-50eb-874d-4a316e780e39)114115116117118119120121122123124125126127128129130131133 (#ulink_6efe3181-4262-52ba-84d1-cc7d96fdb83f)134135136137138139140141142143144145146147148149150151152153 (#ulink_49f5ae48-736f-58df-9b39-6519d3c799a8)154155156157158159160161162163164165166167168169 (#ulink_df8de3d5-36f7-502d-85bd-44d74fc29745)170171172173174175176177178179180181182183184185186187188189190191192193194195196197198199201203 (#ulink_38a1c60f-a585-5b39-af22-c28e9f28bae9)204205206207209 (#ulink_50af9d61-7202-5b4c-b071-c01f842df7a6)210211212213214215216217218219220221222223224225226227 (#ulink_027db963-4c7c-5e48-a7c0-cc0ab1998154)228229230231232233234235236237 (#ulink_17ed9655-8985-5eb5-b705-87772a29b427)238239240241242243244245246247 (#ulink_975932b9-e0e4-5f2a-be57-6830a7f67a3f)248249251 (#ulink_adf44e28-d72a-5085-94c5-14b21ce60b66)252 (#ulink_0d3549de-37bc-5be1-a662-fb88dacaed24)253 (#ulink_1f624a59-1f01-51c2-a0cd-53a21e77718d)254 (#ulink_3c7b0c7f-e7ef-5001-8ab2-2ac046d59296)255 (#ulink_00359f4a-fe44-5633-b01a-4ecedafd2b96)256 (#ulink_24c2b7f8-710a-5111-9490-e109486612ba)

AUTHOR’S NOTE (#ulink_5fed9b6d-da56-5dd2-a46d-ff42d0785da5)

My life has always been one of extremes. BRAVE, the book, has proven to be no different. While writing this book, I endured being hacked, stalked, spied on, had parts of this manuscript stolen. My life was infiltrated by Israeli spies and harassing lawyers, some of the most formidable on earth. These evil people hounded me at every turn while I went about resurrecting the ghosts that have made up my time on earth. I can only say it was extraordinarily stressful, an incredible high-wire act that required great strategy. There was never any other choice. Justice would be served.

And it was. I am immeasurably proud of having a hand in this cataclysmic global reckoning and the felling of monsters. I truly believe that a win for one of us is a win for all of us.

A few years ago, I realized society needed to be primed to hear The Story, so I set about taking my voice of dissent public. I decided to openly fight the machine, the manufacturers of myth, the gaslighters themselves, the sacred men of Hollywood. For far too long they’d been on top and able to get away with criminal behavior. I wanted to make it impossible to look away. And then the US election happened, making sexism far harder to deny; it paved the way for obvious truth to be revealed to those who’d for so long turned a blind eye.

In early 2017, I’d been working on BRAVE for a few months when I made contact with two investigative reporters. It was time. The story took many twists and turns as it all unfolded, and I’m proud to have had a hand in starting the worldwide conversation.

Since I and so many brave survivors have come forward, titans of every industry have toppled. We survivors have gained our power. We survivors are using our voices in record numbers. We cannot let up, and as hard as it is, we must continue to get even louder, to push even harder. We all count. We all matter.

Here’s to freedom, yours and mine.

Now go breathe fire.

RM

PREFACE (#ulink_676e1925-aa28-53ea-aae0-37e4d4b3fe6e)

“Did you break up with someone?”

At first the question made me angry. I thought it sexist, stereotypical, disheartening. There was no death of a relationship that made me so in need of freedom that I’d alter myself. The more the breakup question was asked, the more it made me think about my motives. I realized I had broken up with someone. I broke up with you. The collective you, the societal you. I broke up with the Hollywood ideal, the one that I had a part in playing. The ideal version of “woman” that is sold to you by every actress in every hair commercial telling you, “This is the secret to being beguiling, the secret to getting a man to want you.” Long, glossy Kardashian-esque hair that says, “Fuck me, big boy.” As if that’s all we are and all we can be. Hair. Hair is what I broke up with. And it was a breakup that was years in the making; it took a lot to wake me from my brainwashed slumber. My long hair had always made me uncomfortable. It made men look at me while the real me disappeared. I would use it to cover my face, to check out, to sleep. And sleep I did. The real Rose slept while the fake Rose lived a bizarre alternate life playing the part of someone who played parts.

Most of my life I had short hair. I preferred it that way. The classic film stars and punk women I most admired had short hair. I liked very much being an individual. I liked looking neither female nor male, but hovering somewhere in between. The two periods of time when I had long hair were the hardest in my life, the times I was most lost from myself—my teen years when I suffered from a raging eating disorder and later when I suffered from a mental disorder called Hollywood. The Hollywood disorder lasted a much longer time, but both had to do with being absent from self. Both times were driven by society’s number one propaganda machine—Hollywood. I was told I had to have long hair, otherwise the men doing the hiring in Hollywood wouldn’t want to fuck me, and if they didn’t want to fuck me, they wouldn’t hire me. I was told this by my female agent, which is tragic on many levels. So, so evil and so, so sad. Evil because I took the information from an older woman who was the mouthpiece for what Hollywood wants. Sad because she was right. This message gets filtered down to all women and girls, telling us to have long hair so we too can be sexy, but I got the direct message, like a hotline phone call straight from what “the man” wants.

Well, fuck Hollywood. Fuck the messaging. Fuck the propaganda. Fuck the stereotypes.

If you’re a Jennifer Lawrence, America’s sweetheart type, you have simple blond hair. If you’re the vixen, it is long, dark, and big. Those are the rules, do not deviate. My long hair was beautiful, like beauty pageant contestant hair. My hairdressers were gay males and I was their Barbie come to life; at least that’s what they told me. I didn’t think I looked like Barbie. I thought I looked more like a blow-up sex doll, the kind with the hole for the mouth. I had been turned into the ultimate fantasy fuck toy by the Hollywood machine. All the men and women hired to make me look like said fantasy fuck toy did a good job, but I was dying on the inside and embarrassed by what I looked like on the outside. But I didn’t know how to change what was wrong when there were so many levels of wrong in my life.

I meet so many women and girls who tell me their hair is a security blanket and what they hide behind. I find this not only relatable, but heartbreaking. Of course you should have long hair if YOU feel like having long hair, but examine your motives. What part does society play in telling you how you should look? What part does media play in showing you what you should be? And if you are hiding behind your hair, why do you want to live a life in hiding and what are you hiding from?

When I shaved my head, it was a battle cry, but more than that it gave me an answer to the question I so hated.

Did I break up with someone?

Yes, I broke up with the world.

You can, too.

My name is Rose McGowan and I am BRAVE.

INTRODUCTION (#ulink_7d01d0f2-de9b-55ca-82a7-dc92d941f469)